Planning is Dangerous

Hello all, I received a recent email that went as follows:

Hi An-Y,

You have a really cute site, I’ve read a lot of it and I really appreciate your view on things and your honesty. You try to keep most of your life out of it, but I am curious what your goals are in life. I’m 20 also and I hardly have any idea who I want to be or what I want to do. I’m in college and my major is undeclared basically. I mean, they made me choose something because I’m almost a junior, but believe me, I don’t really want to be a Math major. I just don’t know how to choose the right career. Careers should be for life, what if I make the wrong decision? What are your goals career-wise or your plans for life? Thanks! (Permission to use on your site)

Sincerely, Amanda

Hi Amanda, I’m happy to hear you enjoy this little blog and I would like to apologize for my lack of updating lately. Considering you’re hitting that junior level, having a declared major is pretty important since there are so many requirements for each one. Maybe you’re letting the decision get to you too much. Decide what classes you have actually enjoyed and loved to learn in, see if any of the topics lead to careers that intise you. Keep in mind, this isn’t a final decision. People go back to school everyday to learn a new trade or major to begin a brand new career. Do what makes you happy and just go with your heart, it is the best advice a person could give you. You may think that planning your entire life out is ideal, but it isn’t. I thought that at 15 I had decided exactly where my life was heading and there was no way it was going to go any differently. Except the thing is, it did, greatly. I thought I’d be with the boyfriend I had, and somehow knew it wouldn’t last forever, but that I would end back up with my boyfriend from my freshman year. I thought, let’s call him Adam, would get back together and I would attend a four year university, we’d get engaged during my college years and get our own place. He’d have a great job as I graduated and then I’d get a perfect job as a teacher. By age 22, I would have married him and by 25, we’d have our first child. And then of course, the perfect little image of family would exist and we’d be happily ever after. You would have never guessed that at 20, I’m with a completely different man that I met at 18, I attend a two year college currently and will be transferring to a four year, we probably won’t be wed until I’m about 22 or 23 and children are probably at least at age 26 and that my goals are totally different. That teacher I wanted to be, transformed into a journalist and now to a senator with an environmental studies major. Things change awful quick, but that’s the beauty of life. Don’t be too quick to decide your future, just go with what makes you happy and act responsible with your decisions. As far as my life goals are, I guess that can be a whole new post. I haven’t sat down and expressed my goals lately  because they have recently greatly changed. I’ll write something a bit later.

That’s about it for now,

With Love,

*An-Y*

No Giving Up On Me Now, ya hear!

Haha, hey everyone, I know I’ve been MIA for some time now, sorry! Finals are finally over and things have settled down a tiny bit. My boyfriend and I got moved and now we’re just unpacking and such. I’m basically exhausted from it all and really need a vacation, but that won’t happen because we’re poor. Anyways, things are interesting around here to say the least. The hotel business is quite hoppin’ in time for summer to begin and last week was overbooked and a nightmare, but this weekend is pretty relaxing. There are some really great people here this weekend, so it makes things easier. Wanna hear a funny story and you can laugh at me for it…? Okay…

So this guy checks in like Friday afternoon and I was in the middle of a ten hour shift. He comes in and he’s a pretty nice guy. He asks where the minor league team in my town plays and how to get there. He hands me a completely generic MLB credit card. That’s strange, right, I mean most people are going to have a credit card for their favorite team not just a general MLB card. So, for once in my life, I get really nosy and google this guy’s name. Turns out he’s a Pro Scout. I won’t say from where because well, I was intrusive enough, I’m not going to blab about it that much.  But yeah, I actually “googled” someone. I have never done that before, it was kinda creepy, haha. I don’t want people to google me. Haha. Anyways, I just wanted to let everyone know I am HERE, just busy and that I plan on getting back on track. So email me with suggestions and with questions you would like some amazing advice on!

With Love,

*An-Y* 

More Than Anything

Those are the words my boyfriend uttered a year or more ago to me, sent me this image and ensured me that he loved me more than he could ever imagine. We’ve been together now for almost 1 year and 7 months and I couldn’t ask for any more than that. Sometimes, we fight over ridiculous small things and sometimes I get angry because he’s being lazy or he’s being a smartass when I’m trying to be serious with him, but it’s still more than anything. It’s hard to believe the people we’ve become together. For some reason, I am embarrased to tell people how we really met, because technically, Randy and I met online. It was random and out of the blue and we talked online a lot. We were just “friends” you might say and we liked to chat about random things and I would even give him girl advice. Around the time we started chatting, I met Mike, my ex. So he heard everything about Mike and I’s entire relationship and we were just good buddies online. It’s hard to believe how far we’ve come from then….we lived around 45 minutes away from each other and I never once actually thought, relationship, with this guy I’d met on Yahoo. Down the road I’d learned that he had let it cross his mind a few times, but didn’t want to attempt something long distance. I was oblivious at the time that I would end up with this man and he’d be everything I’d ever searched for. After the short few months I was happy with Mike, he spent too much time in a bar for us to really be together, I was only 18, so I was always the designated driver that could go pick up her drunk boyfriend who has no driver’s liscense from the bar each night. He used me, I was too broken to realize it at the time. I didn’t talk to Randy for awhile for the next couple months and in that time period, Mike had cheated on me, lied about it and then left me for a 30-something woman with three kids. I was heartbroken, don’t ask why, now I think I was nuts. But, one day, I was online at my Grandma’s and Randy messaged me. We exchanged cell phone numbers and then the text messages went berserk. I didn’t have a computer where I was living at the time, so when we could, we’d text each other and talk about life. I was living in the country also, so just to get a good signal I had to drive up a hill or head up to my barn in the right spot. It was during this time that I realized how fun, how sweet and how great Randy really was. When you’re not face to face or even talking to someone, you realize a lot about them, if they’re being honest. For me, I had nothing to lose, this guy didn’t really know me so I always got an objectable opinion from him when I needed it the most. Once again, I never thought I’d ever hug or kiss this man on the other end. My father broke news to me, a few weeks after the text messaging had begun, we were moving. Where? To the larger city, right outside of where Randy lived. I couldn’t believe it, it was crazy. I just kept thinking, at least I semi-know someone there and we can be friends. When I told Randy, via text message, he instantly responded that we should hang out when I get moved. I agreed and couldn’t wait to meet someone new. Again, I never thought relationship, I was done with them for awhile. A few days after the move was in place, Randy texted me wanting to know if he could call me. I was out with some friends and didn’t want to turn him down, so I said of course. That night, even with friend around, I talked to him for awhile. Later that night, we talked on the phone for 2 hours. The next night, two or three hours. The last month I lived out in the house in the country, I would spend hours on top of the hill where I had a signal and just talk to him and it made me happy. We had so much to say to each other and we both seemed to just be comfortable talking to each other. It was amazing. But still, I said no way we’d date, I wasn’t looking for that! My friend would always giggle when I’d get a text or a call really late at night and say, I bet I know who that is! Eventually, we got moved and the very next day, Randy and I had plans to go to a movie. He paid for everything, and I was just in shock. I didn’t ask him to do that, he just did. I hadn’t had a man do anything like that in so long. It was one of the funnest nights of my life. After an adventure in both the movie theater and Steak N Shake, we went to the university in town and sat on a bench with our backs to each other talking. That night when I got home, he hugged me and said goodbye. For the first time I had a slight thought of hmm…maybe. But I still wasn’t looking for anything serious, I was sick of heartache. A few nights later, some friends came to visit me and Randy came over to hang out. It was that night, after he saw how nuts I can be with my two best friends at the time, that I started my little crush. When I was with the two that visited, I was a crazy person and always had too much fun, and Randy really seemed to enjoy me more for it. It was unbelievable, I’d thought for sure he’d have thought I was completely weird, haha. We would talk almost ever night for hours and eventually the question of, “do you like me?” came up in a strange way. I was embarrassed to say whether or not I did, because I still was afraid and I still just wasn’t sure. Finally, after several hours or calls, we did tell each other there was a mutual bond there. And then the night came that changed my life forever. Randy came over to watch movies and just sort of hang out. We were in my bedroom listening to random music and hanging out when he playfully tackled me and it was first time we really touched intimately. Later that night, we cuddled on the couch and watched some movies and as he left, he kissed me in front of the door. A few nights later, we jokingly toyed with the idea of “seeing” each other, or being exclusive or whether or not the titles would come into play. I was still treading carefully and we were just unsure how slow or fast to take it. A few days later, we did adopt those titles of boyfriend and girlfriend and haven’t looked back. He’s seen me cry more than anyone else ever has, he’s made me laugh and smile and so angry that I could hurt him, but in the end, he’s everything I’ve ever imagined for myself. In fact, he’s more. We live together in a small apartment and both work and both go to college and we struggle, but for me, all that matters is that when I lay down at night, no matter how bad my day was, I’m laying next to the greatest man I’ve ever met. And I love him, more than anything.

*Sorry I got all sappy guys, haha. I just really needed to get some thoughts out. I never tell anyone how we really met because I just let it bother me for some reason and think I’ll be judged, but what am I so afraid of? I have the greatest love in the world and maybe there is something to this fate idea, how else do two people who really belong together this much, randomly meet in the world wide web and happen to only live so far from each other and then actually have a chance to live minutes away and start this amazing journey?*

With love,

*An-Y*

What on Earth was I thinking?

Have you ever met someone that just gave you chills because they reminded you of someone else from your past so much you couldn’t believe it? How about meeting someone that reminded you of an ex? Well, working in the hotel world, I meet people everyday that resemble characteristics either personally or physically to those from my past. This week, however, I have been presented with someone who so scarily reminds me of and ex BOTH physically and personality-wise that I cannot stand him. I literally can’t bare to talk to him and carry conversation anymore. I’m nice, because, well, it’s my job, but I really don’t want to be. This guy walked in today, he’s been staying for awhile now, and tells me he just got out of jail. He was wearing this too big for himself, yellow polo and jeans. As he gets on the elevator, he tells me that it was a case of mistaken identity so they let him free. Hmm, okay. He goes upstairs and comes back down. He couldn’t get his room door open so I put my phones so they won’t ring and grab my keys and head upstairs. As he’s wreaking of alcohol, he precedes to ask me if I’d go out on a date with him. I laugh and tell him I would lose my job. Which, I would, it’s a rule, but there is no way I’d go if I was PAID to go out with him. He then asks me to break his $100 bill and I did and he leaves, I thought. Now, if I just spent a night in jail wearing those clothes, I’m going to shower and change, right? You’d think so, but he didn’t. So then he is back in about ten minutes later to leave a message with me to give his roommate, “Tell him I’m out taking care of business and that I’ll be back”….okay then. For some reason, he just stands there to talk to me again, while keeping a taxi waiting. He goes on to tell a completely different random story of how he was at a bar and he pulled a pistol on a guy because he looked at him wrong across the bar and continues to go on and say “That stupid fuckin N—–, who does he think he is? I’m in the labor union, I don’t put up with N—–s and their shit….” he goes on to say things like that LOUD for about five minutes. I looked at him and said, “I’d appreciate you not speaking like that in my lobby or to me and you should probably go out there before your taxi leaves you”. I was so distraught that he’d said so many racist things in one small drivel that I couldn’t bare it if he stood there any longer. Anyways, he did say that he pistol whipped the guy at the bar and should have shot him, I told him he’s an idiot. He was so drunk that he didn’t catch it. When his roommate came back, who is like 40 and the nicest guy you’ve ever met, I told him and he said, “Yeah well, he missed a day that is going to pay like $400 and he usually comes up with some real interesting stories, he probably just did something stupid and was drunk on the street”. How does such a nice guy put up with this shit all the time? Anyways, it disturbs me to admit that the guy I dated before I met my wonderful boyfriend resembles this asshole. They’re both small guys with shaggy brown hair and a little facial hair. At least my ex had some muscles and a nice tan though, haha. Personality-wise, they’re both cocky and think they’re the coolest guys out there. They’re both drunks. And they’re both too redneck for their own good. My ex never came out and said racist comments near me, but I always had the notion he slightly was. He would try to say he loves everyone and his best friend was a gay man, but who knows. Either way, they’re both idiots when they’re drunk and they both drink way too much. It made me feel dirty, like I needed a shower, after this asshole was hitting on me though. I came home and just hugged my man like I never have. Numerous jackasses hit on me while I’m working and every time it makes me thank God I’m not living the single life and having to sort through the horrible singles guys I keep getting offers from. Yuck. There are definitely times you look back on your past relationships and have to say “What the HELL was I thinking?”, I know that was one of those moments for me! Anyways, that’s all for now folks, we just moved into a bigger apartment this weekend and I LOVE IT thus far….so I’ll be done with unpacking and back to my usual blogging self!

Love ya!

*An-Y*

My Apologies

Lately I’ve slacked off a lot on making this a bigger and better blog. You can blame that on finals week! In the past week, I’ve written a total of three research papers, taken 5 quizzes, and worked a 40 hour week. And i just realized I have another quiz due in two days and another paper due tomorrow! Will it ever end? I’m beginning to think not. Once this all blows over and the last grades are posted, An-Y will return. It’s been a week of school, work and home issues. What a spring it’s been! So, soon I will be back to do fantastic posts and new different things to this very blog. Give me another week of slowness and then I promise I’ll be back better than ever! Don’t give up on me!